The things we can't do

Revisiting your past and trying to see it in a different light. I think that's something I just can't do. No matter how many times I try to dress up a sewer - in gold, in sapphire, in diamonds and in silk, it will always just be, a sewer.

One drunken night I messaged him thinking that I was ready to be friends again. I asked to meet up to catch up like old times, before it all happened.

I didn't expect him to respond, nor agree, but he did. I felt trapped. I didn't know what to do, so I procrastinated, like I always do. The night before we were supposed to meet, I chickened out. I cancelled. I panicked and then I started to regret cancelling - what a rude thing to do.

Then I remembered that cancelling on him probably didn't even make a dent upon what he did to me anyway, so why fret?

If you aren't ready to move forward, then don't. Take your time; take a moment to accept the past and see it as it really was. Don't try to dress it up, hide from it, or make it disappear. It happened. It was reality.