No... no date

"Oooooh! You guys are going on a date?!! Are you waiting for him??" his friend asks. She saw us sitting together as she came up the stairs with a group of her friends. I received the same set of questions from the group of her friends while he was off talking to somebody else. Unfortunately we had been in the middle of a discussion regarding the likely, inevitable, upcoming, and imminent termination of our fourteen year friendship when she came up the stairs.

Just for us

It's been a year, and I nearly forgot about April 22nd. I forgot that I kept that Go-Train ticket from that night I finished my dissertation and took the last bus home to meet you for dinner. I can still remember that view from the top of the building - it was breathtaking. We snuck up onto the rooftop after hours and just stood there, silently appreciating the bustling city from our private sanctuary. Yes, this might have been a special place to you, but this is the only place you've ever known, the only place you've ever built your life. In this big city, you have nowhere else, no one else who knows your name. So let's be real and face it - you take every girl you date here. That's alright though. I'll pretend that on that night, that place was especially just for us.

We both know

Not to brag, but let's talk about this straight then. Let's be honest. If we're going to do this, go for the real deal, complete with the labels, the obligations, the responsibilities, the caring, the boundaries, "really do this", I'll say to you, I'm probably going to give it 100% and more. When you need me to be there, I'll be there. I'll stand by your side. You need me to stay with you until the sun rises, I'll wait, I'll keep you company. But let me also tell you this. Before we begin, I know I'm going to give it this much and more, so I'd much rather not. We both know how this is going to end. It'll save me the trouble of regretting it later on when you don't reciprocate with the same level of commitment. It'll save us the trouble of wrecking this friendship.

Open to

"so would you be open to the idea of falling in love with someone in London?" That was definitely a loaded question. When you don't really stay in one place for more than a year, is it really worth it to lay down the foundation and build something up from the ground, just to have to tear it down when you leave?

Three Days

My brother once told me that all it took was one conversation, one sentence, one gesture, and he would know if he could fall in love with you.

And he loved her for years, and they were happy together even if they don't talk anymore now.

Now, I'm a little more cautious than he is. The night before I left for the airport, he told me I was too ironic for love. I take too long to fall and miss the opportunity to; I over think it. So I missed my chance awhile ago when I got on that plane, and now we don't talk anymore.

But all it took was three days.

It was that smile, or that chuckle as I walked the wrong way when we were walking in the city. It was with the clinking of our wine glasses as he told me about his father and that girl he used to know. It was those jazzy chords on the keyboard and the soundtrack to 2 AM.

It was the kindness and the vulnerability.

And all I needed to see, I found in one conversation.

Fire and Ice - Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.