sometimes I pretend that I don't want any of these things - that I scoff in the face of people who have been together for years and still look at each other with as much love and affection as the first time, that I don't want to tell someone about my day just because they make me feel comfortable enough that I can tell them anything, that I don't want to hear about someone else's day because I have enough on my plate to deal with, that I don't want to hold someone's hand and go running through the streets at midnight even with work at 6 AM the following morning, that I don't want to smile when I'm thinking of that someone - that I find all of this unnecessary.
sometimes I think that I can make it through all of this with just the bare minimum. and I can. but what's the point in walking through an endless field of flowers if you can't stop to smell one that is so beautiful that it stops you in your tracks?
but really, secretly, although I've been saying all of this verbally for years - just dip my feet in for some relief, but never dive in, stay on the path, don't stray, stay focused - maybe, secretly, I want to be distracted and inconvenienced.
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